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Saturday, June 14, 2008
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MAKING BETTER DADS Boot Camp for New Dads started Staff Writer Children don't come with an instructional booklet. But, if they did, it probably would be written for women.
However, a Brainerd father of three is hoping to help first-time expectant dads feel confident as they prepare for their life-changing role as a father.
Mike Paulus is the facilitator for a new, free, three-hour class offered to first-time dads called Boot Camp for New Dads. The class is led by men for men. No women are allowed.
"Men learn from men and there are no holds barred," Paulus said of the class. "We talk about the things that expectant fathers need in order to become mentally ready to become a father. So much of childbirth education is geared toward the woman because the woman is having the baby. But the man is bringing home two new people from the hospital because the wife changes so much in that process."
Paulus and his wife, Kay, enrolled in a childbirth class before they had their first child, Sean, now 6, while they were living in Arizona.
"I was so bored," Paulus said of the class, but he did develop a friendship with the instructor. About five months later, she called Paulus and asked if he'd be willing to facilitate a Boot Camp for New Dads class she was hoping to start at the hospital. Paulus became a licensed facilitator for the national program, facilitating the class for three years before they moved to Brainerd in September of 2005.
He recently spoke to Connie Nelson who works with the Early Childhood Family Education classes about starting the class here and she and others involved in the Brainerd Lakes Area Early Childhood Coalition enthusiastically supported the idea. The first class was to be held Saturday at St. Joseph's Medical Center in Brainerd and other classes are planned once a month through November.
"I facilitate, I don't instruct," Paulus said of Boot Camp. "It's not a class where they listen to me for three hours."
Paulus is assisted by veteran fathers who volunteer to help with the class. He had two veteran fathers lined up to help with Saturday's first class but is looking for additional dads who'd be willing to share their experiences and answer questions expectant dads may have.
During the first hour of the class, Paulus talks about the history of the program, the men get to know one another and discuss their fears about being a new dad. Paulus said the most common fears men have about having a child include money, getting enough sleep, whether they can be a good father with their busy work schedules and what type of effect having a baby will have on their sexual relationships with their wives.
During the second hour, the men are introduced to real babies - Saturday's class had two infant volunteers. The expectant fathers learn how to properly hold a baby, change diapers, how to swaddle and how to bottle feed.
The third hour is spent in more discussion and the expectant fathers go over issues like infant car seat safety and how to deal with their in-laws once the baby arrives.
"Every guy has one role model on how to be a father and that's who he had as his father," Paulus explained. "That role model isn't always perfect, like we won't be perfect as fathers, but I got into this because I felt I had a strong role model as a father and I wanted to share those experiences with those who didn't have fathers who were as strong of a role model. Traditionally, fathers have been more hands off. I believe it's because they didn't know any other way."
When his son Sean was born, Paulus told his wife he wanted to have a strong, involved relationship with his children, despite his demanding work schedule as general manager of a long-term living facility in Arizona. But after a three-week span in December of 2004 in which he basically only carried on a telephone relationship with both his wife and 2-1/2-year-old son because of his long work days, he decided he needed to shift his priorities.
"I decided I had to change if I was going to meet my own expectations of being a father," said Paulus.
Paulus quit his job and coached high school basketball before he and Kay decided to move to Brainerd. She was from Minnesota and they thought Brainerd seemed like a good place to raise their family, which also now includes two daughters, Autumn, 4, and Maureen, 5 months.
He has remained an involved dad and about 60 percent of the child-raising is on Paulus. He is an assistant men's basketball coach at Central Lakes College and recently began performing professional business consulting through the CLC Business and Industry Center.
Paulus pointed out that men do not have to quit their jobs to become involved fathers and they don't have to spend a lot of money to take their children out on fishing or hunting outings to be considered a good dad either. He and his children have special daddy books that he only reads to them at bedtime and a special daddy meal that he makes when it's his turn to make dinner. He and his children also enjoy making up stories together.
"Simple things like that can make an impression, more than just filling the boat with $80 worth of gas and taking them out fishing," he said.
Paulus said when fathers become involved early on, when their children are infants, that involvement carries on throughout their children's lifetimes.
For Father's Day, Paulus has a simple wish.
"If I can sleep in, it'll be a good Father's Day," Paulus said with a smile.
JODIE TWEED may be reached at jodie.tweed@brainerddispatch.com or 855-5858.
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