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Wednesday, November 29, 2006
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Adoption provides haven from trouble for special needs children
Staff Writer Unlike presents tucked beneath a Christmas tree, children don't always arrive in neat, little packages.
This is particularly true for the many children living in foster care in Minnesota who are waiting for loving adoptive families this holiday season. Many may have behavioral problems or developmental delays as a result of suffering from neglect or abuse in their biological homes.
How to adopt
November is National Adoption Month, which may serve as a reminder that there are many children in foster care waiting to find their forever families this holiday season.
Of the 636 Minnesota children in state guardianship who need homes:
66 percent are 6-18 years old.
57 percent are siblings who need to be adopted together.
50 percent have been diagnosed with a psychological or medical disability.
In 2005, families adopted 732 children under state guardianship in Minnesota.
PATH Treatment Foster Care and Family Based Services in Brainerd not only licenses therapeutic foster homes, but is actively involved in adoptions of children in its foster care program. Adoption services, including adoption studies and study updates, adoption placements, training and education, child-specific recruitment, life book planning, parent-child disengagement services, foster parent adoptions and post-adoption support, are offered at no cost to participants. For qualified clients, those services are paid for by the state of Minnesota through the Minnesota Public/Private Adoption Initiative.
To learn more about becoming a foster parent or to learn more about adopting foster children, contact PATH at 828-3900 or visit the Web site, www.pathinc.org.
Other local resources include:
Crow Wing County foster care program. Call 824-1140 and ask for the foster care licensing social worker.
North Homes Inc., a private, nonprofit agency that also provides therapeutic foster homes for at-risk youths and families, has a second-floor office at 102 Laurel St., Brainerd, across from the Brainerd Police Department. For more information, visit its Web site at www.northhomes.org.
For information on children available for adoption in Minnesota, visit the Minnesota Adoption Resource Network Web site at www.mnadopt.org.
For information on children in foster care available for adoption nationwide, visit the Web site, www.adoptuskids.org.
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However, families who have adopted foster children with special needs have found the challenges have been worth it when they watch their adopted children grow and thrive in their loving, stable homes.
PATH Therapeutic Foster Care and Family-Based Services, which has an office in Brainerd, licenses therapeutic foster homes and is now expanding its adoption program. The agency is able to perform home studies for private adoptions but also helps foster families adopt foster children at no cost to the family. The families qualify for an adoption subsidy when they adopt a child with special needs through the foster care system and the children remain eligible for medical assistance until they are 18. Nancy Kagel, a PATH licensed social worker, said through a new state program families can access mental health services and other support for their children years after the adoption was made final.
While in elementary school, Rebecca Rude met a girl who lived in a foster home. That inspired her to one day become a foster parent herself. For the past six years, Rude and her husband, Scott, have had 27 foster children placed with them through PATH, including their 6-year-old son, Ricky, whom they adopted June 20 but who has lived with them since 2004. The Rudes also have two biological daughters, Ivy, 16; and McKinleigh, 10.
Ricky had lived in four foster homes and had one disrupted adoption placement before he was placed to live with the Rudes. Before his adoption, he had suffered from abuse and neglect and continues to have challenging behaviors as a result of having attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome. Ricky takes medication for his ADHD and is given a sleep aid at night so that he'll sleep more than four hours at a time. He's a bundle of energy and has little fear, even in dangerous situations.
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Ricky Rude, 6, looked over his lifebook with his father, Scott (left); his sister, McKinleigh, 10; his mother, Rebecca; and his sister, Ivy, 16, in their rural Brainerd home. Ricky was adopted by the Rude family on June 20, but he had lived with them for two years as their foster son as they went through the adoption process. Ricky's lifebook tells the story of how he came to live with the Rudes. Brainerd Dispatch/Steve Kohls
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"He's always on the go and always loud," Rebecca said of Ricky. "I've had to almost tackle him in parking lots."
But Ricky is doing well in his adoptive home. He's a first-grader at Baxter Elementary School where he receives special education services. He took his life book to show-and-tell last week, a book provided for him by PATH that tells the story of how and why he became adopted. He has photographs of members of his birth family in there, as well as photographs of his adoptive family.
"I read them the whole book," Ricky said of his classmates.
After Ricky's adoption was finalized last summer, the family threw a party for him.
"So Mom, does this mean I get to stay forever and ever and never have to leave?" Rebecca said Ricky asked her.
Rebecca said her son has a great sense of humor. He loves to build things with Legos and Lincoln Logs. He can be quick with the wisecracks - and with his excuses.
"I think everything he's got, we can handle," said Scott Rude. "He does take a lot of energy out of you. But he's a funny kid. He makes you laugh. He's a ham. He likes to be the center of attention."
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LaShawn and Steve Remer (center), of Isle, have been foster parents since 1998. They have four biological daughters: Brooke (top row, left), 15; Stephanie, 18; Becky, 23; and Bobbi, 25; and have adopted three foster children: Julia (bottom row, left), 6; Joshua, 4; and Jasmine, 8.
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The Rudes both said that some foster children who "look bad on paper" can turn out to be exceptional children. While there are challenges, watching children overcome those challenges can be very rewarding. The Rudes typically foster teen girls and currently are fostering a 16-year-old mother and her baby.
"I learn as much from them as they learn from us," said Rebecca Rude of their foster children.
The Rudes said they are open to adopting other foster children if the right situation came along.
Many people thought Steve and LaShawn Remer of Isle were crazy when they decided to become foster parents. Their four biological daughters were teens and young adults and the Remers nearly had an empty nest. But they both grew up in large families - Steve had 12 siblings and LaShawn had 8 - and felt their family wasn't yet complete. They decided to become foster parents in 1998 after their eldest daughter told her mom that she needed to follow her dream of becoming a foster parent. Since then, the couple have had 17 foster children and done respite care for more than 27 children. They currently have one foster son who will be a long-term foster placement. On July 16, 2004, the Remers officially adopted three young children, all siblings.
The Remers' biological daughters are Bobbi Flaten, 25, Becker; Becky Berglund, 23, of Grand Forks; Stephanie, 18, Zimmerman; and Brooke, 15, a 10th-grader at Isle High School. The family adopted their daughters, Jasmine, 8; and Julia, 6, along with their brother, Joshua, who is 4. The Remers also have three grandchildren.
LaShawn Remer said they hadn't planned to go into therapeutic foster care but have found that it suits their family well. Steve is a rancher and raises registered Angus cows on their 152-acre farm so he's able to be home when needed. LaShawn is a stay-at-home mom. They have a large six-bedroom home to accommodate their growing family.
In 2002 they took in a family placement of a 21-year-old mom and her three young children, whom they later adopted. The biological mom had to be removed from the home three weeks after they moved in with the Remers. While the children were to be placed with a relative, that situation did not happen and the Remers were asked if they would consider adopting the children.
Remer said she's noticed a major change in the children since they arrived in their home. Their eldest adopted daughter, Jasmine, still has emotional scars from her early years but she is doing well. Julia was 2-1/2 when she arrived in their home and was filled with so much anger that she would often grunt and growl at people. She would throw tantrums that would last for three to four hours at a time. This never happens anymore.
"As soon as she settled in and knew she was loved and taken care of she blossomed into the sweetest little thing," LaShawn said of her adopted daughter, now 6. "Even now, looking back at pictures, she looked mad. She was mad at the world."
Their adopted son, Joshua, is medically frail and suffers from DiGeorge Syndrome, a chromosomal disorder. He gets sick often, has a continuous feeding tube and doesn't talk but can say a few words.
Remer said the entire family made the decision to adopt their three youngest children and she has relied on help from all her daughters to help make the situation work. The family celebrates their adoption day but also the date in November four years ago when the children first came to live with them.
Remer said she used to feel guilty because she was having fun with the children and their biological mother was not able to do the same.
"I had to go through this whole guilt process thing," said Remer. "I thought about her every time we were having a great time and how much she's missing out on."
Like the Rude family, Remer said she and her husband are open to adopting more children but feel they need to continue providing foster care for children who need them, too.
JODIE TWEED can be reached at jodie.tweed@brainerddispatch.com or 855-5858.
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